The Gundam Sailor Files
by Mari Maxwell
Summary: Okay, this is a humorous fic. But it is very strage too. All the more to make you laugh. It takes place in my own theater, complete with a movie screen! Enjoy!
1. Default Chapter

The Gundam Sailor files  
By: Mari-Meia (Co-written by: Neko Tenshi)  
  
AN: Hello! Okay, this fic is kinda...well...really crazy, but it is funny. For all of you that have read The Projects look out for the sequel, The Art Class, coming out in a couple of weeks or so, (I'm still working on it.) Any way, through out this fic you will see Dan Dan Dan. What that basically is a replacement for Dont Dont Don, which is what you say when there is a cliffhanger, or something happens (created by Neko-chan!). Example: "I shall call him, Mini-Me." in Austin Powers 2, there is music in the background, expressing the feeling, that is what Dan Dan Dan is. (FYI)   
  
Ps: Heero is major OOC.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon, or the word Smeg, Cherry Blossom does! I do own my muse, and the Gundam Sailor files, and Dan Dan Dan (so does Neko , that reminds me, thanks Neko-chan, for helping me write this!!!) and a shirt and pants and shoes....  
  
~*^ ^ The Gundam Sailor Files ^ ^ *~  
  
The lights fade to Duo, playing the Halloween theme (otherwise known as the opening music to X-Files, I don't own that either.)  
on a grand piano (I DO own the piano!). After a few moments of playing the annoying theme, he says -  
  
Duo: Welcome to the Kushranada theater, owned by Mari-Meia Kushranada.  
  
Duo continues playing.  
  
Duo: You are about to witness the daily lives of the Gundam pilots and the Sailor Senshi.  
  
Continues playing.  
  
Duo: The horror begins.  
  
Unknown voice from the side: Dan Dan Dan!!  
  
A shadowy figure runs across the stage in slow motion. In a slow motion voice, yells-  
  
NNNOOOOOO!!!  
  
He dives into the piano, and he and the piano fall off the end of the stage.  
  
Duo doesn't notice the piano, and plays thin air. Amazingly the music continues to play. Duo opens his eyes.  
  
Duo: Smeg  
  
Duo walks off the stage and you can see a small, black tape player in the background, playing the Halloween theme.  
  
The lights fade onto the black screen, when suddenly big, white block letters appear. They read:  
  
THE GUNDAM/SAILOR FILES.  
  
Unknown voice from the side: Dan Dan Dan!  
  
The letters fade and suddenly the screen snaps into the face-paced pod-race in The Phantom Menace.. The screen sputters, and movie stops. A shadowy figure walks onto the stage. He is identified as my muse- Hiroshi.  
  
Hiroshi:...Sorry. * laughs nervously* wrong movie.  
  
U.K.V.F.S. (unknown voice from the side): Dan Dan Dan!  
  
Hiroshi:...uh right...anyhow here's the real movie... sorry about the mix-up.  
  
U.K.V.F.S: Dan Dan Dan!  
  
Hiroshi's eyes turn red, and then he walks off the stage.  
  
The screen fades yet again, and white block letters appear. They read  
  
THE SAILOR SENSHI CHORNICLES.  
  
U.K.V.F.S.: Dan Dan Dan!  
  
The screen brightens again to a scene of the inner sailor senshi sitting around a TV. They are watching Austin Powers-The spy who sagged me. They just happen to be at the part where Dr. Evil is talking about "the laser".   
  
Rei was about to stand up to get a drink, when she decided to "lovingly" jab Usagi in the stomach. Usagi returns the favor and "lovingly" yells at Rei. Then Rei "lovingly" jeers at Usagi. Usagi "lovingly" kicks Rei. Rei "lovingly" punches Usagi. Usagi "lovingly" pulls a gun ouT of no where, and "lovingly" says:  
  
Usagi: Omea wa korosu.  
  
The screen fades yet again, and yet again white block letters appear. They read:  
  
THE GUNDAM CHRONICLES.  
  
U.K.V.F.S.: Dan Dan Dan!  
  
The screen goes to a quite interesting scene of a warehouse. At the end a TV sits on the ground, surrounded by an armchair and a couch. Duo and Heero sit on the ground by the TV, playing a video game. Wufei is in the armchair, surrounded by tissues, Qautre is on the couch reading a book, and Trowa is walking Casually on a cloths line overhead.   
  
Heero: Come on dude, kick but! *excitedly*  
  
Duo: Wow Heero, I never seen you so into a game before.   
  
Wufei: AAHH, AHHH, AAAHHH, CCHHOO!! *snot spews all over*  
  
Qautre: Wufei, I'm sorry, but could you please try to control your allergies a little bit better? You know there is Flonase.  
  
Wufei: Sorry, *sniff*  
  
Trowa: .........  
  
Heero: I'm so close...  
  
Duo :*laughs evily* no one can ever beat the master!!!  
  
Heero: I won!!!! *laughs insanely and runs around the room*  
  
Duo: I should've never given you 3 whole 2 liter jugs of Mountain Dew, your too hyper for your own good.  
  
Wufei: AAHH, AAHH, AAHH, ...CCCHHHOOO!!!  
  
Qautre: Wufei! I missed the best romance scene in the book!!  
  
Heero: *still laughing hysterically*  
  
Trowa: .....I'm friends with idiots.  
  
The screen fades, and the words   
  
THE END  
  
appear on the screen.  
  
The P.A. system crackles and a voice identified as me, says  
  
Mari-Meia: Thank you folks for watching the gundam sailor files. Tune in next week when the horror continues, and we find out who the unknown voice from the side is!!  
  
U.K.V.F.S: Dan Dan Dan!!  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. episode 2

The Gundam/Salior files, episode 2\par   
By: Mari-Meia\par   
AN: Hola minna-san. Wow. Two languages in one sentence. Moving on, here is the   
second episode of a series of humorous fics. It's got the basic "plot" of the   
first episode. The daily lives of the sailor Senshi and Gundam pilots. Heero   
is no longer out of character, so don't worry. That isonly one of the two   
differences between this episode and the first chapter. The second one is that  
both the Gundam and Sailor chronicels are combined. Enjoy!   
PS: If you like my writing, please read Dragon Fang. It's a serious fic I worte.   
The only problem is that no one reviewed it! Oh yea, review this fic too! (almost forgot)  
Disclaimer: *to the music of Fantasy by Lunacrest (don't know how to spell that)* I   
don't own gu gu gu gu gu gu Gundam Wing or Sailor Moon *Music stops* ...wait...wrong   
song...*to the music of No More by 3LW* I'm gettin' kinda tired of not owning anything   
anything, cause I don't own Sailor Moon or Gundam Wing Gundam Wing*music stops*...  
wait...wrong song agian... * to the music of by Limp Bizkit* Keep Blowin blowin blowin blowin up... keep blowin bl-right  
song!-blowin blowin up...  
  
Gundam Salior files, episode 2  
The curtians of the Kushranda theater start to open to terrible piano music, and  
then the sound of an explosion. A figure of a young women (AN: ME!!) walks onto  
the stage and says-  
  
Mari: *chukles nervously* We were going to start with the usual piano opening,  
but Heero who was supposed to play this evening, kinda blew it up. *gestures to  
ashes on stage floor*\par   
  
Hiroshi runs on stage and whispers something into Mari's ear.\par   
  
Mari: I would've originally zapped up a new piano. but Hiroshi, my muse here,  
has an idea-  
  
U.K.V.F.S. (unknown voice from the side) : Dan! Dan! Dan!\par   
\par   
Hiroshi's eyes get red and he runs off the stage screaming-\par   
  
Hiroshi: SSHHUUTT UUPP!! shutupshutupshutupshutup!!!\par   
  
Mari: *looks after Hiroshi* That was interesting.\par   
  
U.K.V.F.S.: *Strangled voice* Dan! Dan!- OUCH!! That hurt Hiroshi!\par   
  
Growl sounds from the side of stage.\par   
  
Mari looks off to the side once more before leaving the stage. The movie screen  
darkens. Suddenly bright orange letters jolt across the screen. They read-\par   
  
A long time ago-  
  
Quatre: *Off in the backround* Actually it was yesterday.\par   
  
Letters: In a galaxy far far away.\par   
  
Quatre: No, it was across the street!\par   
  
The screen darkens once more and then brightens agian with words that scroll  
toward the center on the sreen. The title reads-\par   
  
The Gundam Sailor Files\par   
  
Star Wars (AN: witch I don't own!)music bursts out of the speakers. Then a sound  
of a record screching fills the speaker followed by silence.\par   
  
Duo: Let's put on some real music!  
  
Just Communication bursts out of the speakers along with a crowd of electric guitars   
playing the melody. Then the scene is cut momentarily by a picture of Duo head banging.   
The picture fades away.   
  
Slowly the words scrolling the movie screen fade away along with the extremely  
loud music. Then a picture of a ship passing by the screen appears. The only  
problem is that the ship keeps going and going and going and going and going  
(AN: Unforuatly I have to credit the movie Space Balls for that bit of the ship) A  
muffled scream trails throught the almost silent speakers. The ship explodes in  
fragments and a picture of Heero appears on the screen.   
  
Heero: Mission Acomplished.  
  
He is cut off by large letters that fill the screen. they read:  
  
The Gundam ans the Sailor Chronicles combined.   
  
Then the screen fades once again and opens to Duo who is laying on a couch with  
a mischeivous look on his face. Wufei is sitting inan armvhair sniffling. Quatre  
walks in merrily and hands Wufei a blottle of Flonase  
  
Quatre: *truimphently* Wufei, this is your answer to your parayers. Asata la  
vista allergies! I con read my book now. Victor-  
  
Wufei: AACCHHOO!!  
  
Snot spews across the room and splatters all over the camera screen.  
  
Quatre: Wufei! It's called a kleenex!  
  
Wufei: *sniff* sorry.   
  
Heero walks in the scene.   
  
Heero: The camera is running.   
  
Duo bursts out laughing.  
  
Quatre: Duo!! Do you know how enbarrasing this is! I didn't take a shower, I'm  
in my Pj's I...I have to go. *Places hand over mouth and walks off*   
  
Duo is still laughing when Trowa enters scene. He merely pauses for a second and  
continues walking outside so he can go on his daily walk on the clothesline.  
  
  
Heero and Wufei leaves the scene and Duo is stuck with the job of cleaning up  
the room. He's no longer laughing.  
45 minutes later...  
  
Duo is still alone in a now clean living room. He looks around  
with the same mischeivous look on his face. He picks up a phone, closes his eyes  
and starts dialing. The phone rings and then somebody answers saying-  
  
Voice: Moshi Moshi?...Moshi Moshi?!...MOSHI MOSHI!?!  
  
Duo: Hello good sir...bye. *hangs up*\par   
  
Duo Dials randomly agian. Phone rings and then is answered-  
  
Voice: Hello?  
  
Duo: Hello sir. May I interest you in dehighdrated water? Remember... Just add  
water! *The person hangs up.*  
  
Duo dials agian.  
  
Voice: Hello. You have reached Universal Pictures. May I help you?  
  
Duo: Yah. I am looking for Arnold Swazennager.  
  
Voice: I'm sorry Sir. You can not reach that person here.  
  
Duo: Asta Lavista...baby. *hangs up*  
  
Dials agian.   
  
Voice: You have reached K-mart. May I help you?  
  
Duo: *In deep Swedish accent* I am the worker named Sue..from Sweden.  
  
Voice: I'm sorry sir. I know no one that works here named Sue.   
  
Duo: Liar!! *hangs up*  
  
Dials agian   
  
Voice: You have reached the American Texas Boot camp. What room number would you  
like?  
  
Duo: Room Zero.   
  
Voice: Hello?   
  
Duo: *in high screechy voice* Hello Johnny. You haven't called in days! Whats a  
gal to do?  
  
Voice: Uh...this is an all girl Boot camp.  
  
Duo: Sorry. *hangs up*  
  
Presses redial.  
  
Voice: You have reached the American Texas Boot camp-  
  
Duo: Zero.  
  
Voice: Hello?  
  
Duo: Hey babe.  
  
Voice: This is the General!!  
  
U.K.V.F.S.: Dan! Dan! Dan!  
  
Hiroshi runs on stage and looks around.  
  
Hiroshi: Lost. Lost. DDIIEEIINNGG lost.*Runs off stage* (thanx, Neko, for making that up!)  
  
Duo: *Hangs up.*  
  
Heero walks in.  
  
Heero: Duo!! What are you doing!  
  
Duo dials 911.  
  
VOice: 911 emergency. May I help you?  
  
Duo: Yes! A man is trying to kill me! *Gives directions and hangs up*   
  
Heero proceeds to chase Duo around. The doorbell rings and Heero answers. r   
  
Heero: Hello?  
  
Paramedics line the door. They just happen to be volunteers. And the volunteers  
just happen to be the Sailor Senshi.  
  
Usagi: A man called a few minutes ago. Something about trying to be killed.  
  
Ami: Now would you be the man that is being killed by a man, or the man that is  
trying to kill him.   
  
Heero: *scratches head*\par   
  
Duo runsright behind the door screaming.  
  
Rei: We should've brought those straight jackets.  
  
Lita: All right sir. Hands behind yoour head, we'll have to arrest you.  
  
Quatre: Never!!  
  
Pretty soon the whole apartment is full of crazily running sailor senshi and  
gundam pilots.  
  
Wufei: AACCHHOO!!  
  
The scene ends.  
  
Mari: I know I said that you find out who was the U.K.V.F.S., but you didn't.  
How insane will the G boyz and Sailor Senshi get? Find out on the next episode  
of Dragon Ball Z!  
Hiroshi: You mean Gundam Sailor FIles.  
  
Mari: Right, Gundam Sailor files.  
  
U.K.V.F.S.: Dan! Dan! Dan!  
  
Hiroshi runs across the stage after the voice.   
  
Hiroshi: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!   
  
Mari: Ecsessive compulsive behavior is not pretty.  
  
THE END 


End file.
